How To Quit Second Guessing Yourself

 In Growth

Have you ever kicked yourself, wishing you’d seen the signs, picked up the signal sooner?
I sure have! But these days I’ve got a lot better, thanks to living in the “listening” of what to do next.

How exactly do you live in the “listening”?
You start with quitting to second guess yourself.

More on how to do that in moment. First, let me tell you a story about my good friend Kira and how she missed her signals over the past month, which lead to her getting really sick.

Global Warming And The New Landmass of Sargasso Seaweed

Each morning when I wake and look out over my small private beach, I are seeing a huge quantity of dead sargasso seaweed wash up on our shore, almost daily, in huge quantities that have never been seen before here in Xcalak, or anywhere along this Yucatan coast on the Caribbean.

It’s a normal event for the sargasso seaweed to wash up, but usually only in small amounts. Tourism along the area is taking a nose dive. All along this Yucatan peninsula in Mexico, from Cancun down to Belize, sargasso is washing up.

Why is this happening?

Many scientists are saying, due to unprecedented quantities of fertiliser run off flowing out into Caribbean ocean, the sargasso seaweed is soaking it all up, and expanding into a huge mass, almost the size of the US floating out at sea, creating a new type of land mass!

One major problem this is causing is that this sargasso is starting to die off in insane quantities, resulting in big piles of “smelly-suffer-smelling-global-warming-rotting-gunk” washing up on the normally pristine white sandy beaches of Cancun and Tulum.

Why am I telling you all this?

Because my friend Kira (who got me this incredible house sitting gig in Xcalak where I’ll be living for these 4 months) left suddenly last week because she got very sick by swimming into a large pile of dead sargasso. She wasn’t entirely sure what caused her skin to react, but she thinks it could have been this sargasso!

What does this have to do with second guessing yourself?

The thing is, she picked up about a month ago that it was time to leave Xcalak. She’d been living here since April.

Why didn’t she just go as soon as felt it was time to leave?

Because while her intuition (and heart) was telling her it was time to go, she’d “made a sensible plan” and her head was saying “stick this out, don’t be silly, don’t leave yet!”

Some of the signals included the old caretaker, Luc, arriving back early from Italy to re-take over her position in the area as the house-sitter. But because she was due to stay another 2 months, she thought, “I’m not going to leave yet!”

And yet she was feeling that background pull to leave, and return to the States. But she ignored this.

And suddenly last week she found herself getting seriously ill. So ill, she felt she needed to find treatment in the US. She realised, without a shadow of doubt, that it really was the time to go, so she packed up, and left the country within 48 hours. Kira had mastered the art of turning her life around in short order.

She was sad to say good bye to Mexico, but knew it was time.

By finally paying attention, the new opportunities were coming into focus for her in the US. She could go see relatives, see friends and take up the invitations that had been coming her way to come and give talks and run courses to help people redefine what it means to be free in a world that tells you to not pay attention to what your heart says is the right thing for you.

Finally she was getting in tune, hearing the call and flowing with the signs to move.

The lesson she said she’d learned was to let go of her plans, and be more open to flowing with her heart. Click To Tweet

How good are you at listening to yourself and picking up the signs?

I’m sure most of us would like to be better than what we currently are.

Over this past year I’ve spent a lot of time focusing and learning how to read the “signs” and picking up on what to do next, even if it meant changing direction mid-course.

At a party earlier this year in San Miguel, upon hearing how I live, always on the move, a woman said to me “It must be so exhausting being you and having to make so many decisions all the time.”

I said “It’s not exhausting at all, I don’t make any decisions. I just look for the patterns and listen for the feedback on what to do next.”

She then said “Oh, I never listen to that.”

I said with a smile, “That must be exhausting…”
And she agreed, saying it was.

By paying attention to the 3 types of feedback that are knocking on your door every day, the next step for you to take is always super clear. By listening to yourself, you have no need to ever second guess yourself.

The problem only arises when you think that there is something you “should” be doing that is in conflict with…

  1. The feedback from your mind and emotions.
  2. The feedback from your body.
  3. The feedback from other people and the exterior world.

Of those 3, the feedback from the body is the most obvious and clearest.

Have you ever heard the expression our body never lies?

The only issue is, most people have desensitised their bodies, so they can’t easily feel what their body is reporting to them every moment. The body is an incredible tool of discernment. It is constantly revealing to you the truth of the moment. And you have the other 2 forms of feedback to back it up, but the body, when it speaks through body feelings/sensations, is your clearest signal on what to do with your life.

Why don’t we listen to our bodies? What are we afraid of?

We’re afraid of losing the identity we’ve built for ourselves, firmly based on the idea that we’re in control. Click To Tweet

This the plan we’ve made up for our lives is the embodiment of our control, and our attachment to it is our blind spot.It’s for this reason that so often we get stuck, rigid and caught up in a plan, even when it’s not working for us.

By practising to keep letting go of any attachment to any particular outcome for the past 12 months, I now live in what sometimes feels like free-fall. It can feel like there is no parachute, and probably looks to some like it is completely random, and yet I keep landing in situations that are better than anything I could have dreamed up. By living like this, I’ve discovered the magic of being free planning.

This is in part thanks to the 7 contexts I’ve created for my life.

These 7 contexts of life help guide me to the next level of breakthrough.

But this is only possible by being truly flexible, and being open to letting go of even the most dearly treasured plans… why? Because while a plan could have once been great when it first showed up, this moment right now is new, and it may call for a different form of action.

I would suggest that right now demands a new view.
A new way of seeing. A new direction.

Consider that if you’re at all feeling stuck or stressed, the past view/plan that you’ve had for your life and what you were doing with it, could do with a update.

What would happen if you truly let go and let yourself flow in the direction that is most natural to you?

Could you open yourself to listening to what your body is saying?
Your body is your best friend. And it never lies.

But then… who am I to tell you how to live?

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  • Anonymous

    Dear Barnaby,

    That was a nice story. You are very skilled in identifying the subtle things in life.

    Best wishes

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